Almost
by wig257
Summary: Beckett has pushed Castle away one too many times, he has moved on and she can't take it. A look at an uncharacteristically vulnerable Beckett.


Her skin was cold, the chill emanating to her core. It was like an artic wind had engulfed her entire body, this obviously couldn't be seen from the outside world she was so good at covering everything up, all the years of practice. As she watched him touch the woman's arm, a lingering caress, he held it too long, the woman looked down towards his touch and giggled, then looked back up towards him, a very good play she thought.

All the helplessness and innocence she was sure this woman didn't posses but he seemed to be buying it. He could feel he was being watched and looked around, finding her looking intently at him, he quickly smirked and then went back to the woman as she got on her tiptoes and whispered something in his ear. She had to hold onto his shoulders to do this, extra contact, very clever.

The woman was nothing like Kate, she was a few inches shorter had blonde hair and was larger in the body but she was attractive. She had on a grey suit, small heels and her calves were tanned, just like the rest of her and she seemed to be sparkling. Kate was now leaning against the door frame watching this woman rub her large breasts up against him, whispering some more. He placed a hand expertly at her lower back, maybe just a little lower than he should have, this was so he could help her steady herself as she leaned in to him. With the woman attached safely to him he looked straight at Kate, he didn't take his eyes from her and when she felt he had tortured her enough he returned his attentions back to the woman in front of him. She was peeling her body away from him even though it seemed to be a hard task, one he didn't seem to be helping with. She gave him a peck on the cheek and walked off not looking back but knowing that he was watching her walk away.

Kate pushed herself off the door frame and walk slowly over to him. She could feel the artic breeze again as she approached him, the dead weight was getting heavier in the pit of her stomach with each step. Her mouth was dry and she was beginning to feel her heart trying to escape from her chest. The blood was pumping in her ears and she was struggling to calm down. Why did he make her feel like this? It was her idea not to take it any further, to remain just friends. They had flirted in the past and he had made several passes at her on different occasions and his feeling were clear, but it were hers that were locked away. At this moment she wished she didn't feel something for him, something, well she felt everything for him. She ached for him, and any slight accidental contact they had sent electricity through her body as if she had just touched an electric fence. The banter was what kept her senses alive, it was the put downs and sarcastic remarks that first hooked her in. Kate was a strong woman and all she wanted was a strong man who would be able to take her hand and lead her, she was so tired of doing all the leading.

The walk took forever, she took two deep breaths and looked down closing her eyes briefly giving herself an extra second to gather herself. He was smiling broadly when she looked up at him, he already made her feel mad with him and more with herself for feeling like this. They talked, small talk, how are you? What have you been up to? The usual ambivalent questions which didn't pry too much and weren't too difficult to answer. She didn't concentrate on his answers just his face. She didn't really want to know any of it. They had to work together which was excruciating enough without knowing what was happening in his private life too, a private life that she wasn't in. She knew it was her choice but now that choice seemed to be the wrong one. He seemed to be fading out, the blood pumping in her ears too loudly, she had to relax again or something bad might happen. Another deep breath and she heard him ask her if she was alright. Of course she wasn't but she said yes. She was hungry and made the excuse to leave and get something. As she walked away she felt him and it was like pulling on a bungee cord, the further she got the harder it was to take another step.

This was going to have to stop, feeling like this whenever she talked to him, thought about him, heard his voice. Who knows he could be different, he might be the one who could save her from herself. She turned round and made her way back to him, the anxiety was different now. Her legs were feeling like jelly but they kept carrying her until she hit a dip in the path and took a tumble towards him, as she dived forward he lunged for her and caught her in his arms. The embarrassment made her colour up and she closed her eyes hoping he couldn't see her. She opened one eye and saw that smirk, it grew in to his best smile and she melted further in to his arms. Right now would be the time she thought, there couldn't be a better moment. She smiled and moved her face towards him, he obviously thought that she was trying to get up and moved away and helped her to her feet. Then the moment was gone, how could it?

He held her by the shoulders and looked deep in to her eyes checking if she was OK. She felt drunk, he wasn't taking advantage of the situation, there wasn't an inappropriate comment, things were not normal, he seemed different. How could his feelings be different from yesterday? She looked in to his eyes and saw nothing, there seemed to be a barrier behind them. The wind returned chilling her to the bone and she shivered. He felt this and took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, he then placed his arm around her. She inhaled the heady aroma of him and felt the charge of his touch through the jacket. He steered her towards a chair and placed her in it. She sat there feeling like a little girl outside a teachers office waiting for detention because she was in trouble. Trouble was right, she had no control over it and no way out.

He had got her some water and handed her the glass, she felt the shock of electricity as their fingers accidentally touched and she jumped spilling some of the water down her legs. This time she didn't make a move, she just closed her eyes and sighed. This day was getting worse, she handed the glass back to him and placed her head in her hands, there were no tears, she was not going to let him see her cry. More deep breaths and the feelings were returning to her limbs and mind.

He had seen her blip and this mortified her, she could feel him looking down at her with a quizzical expression. He wasn't used to seeing her so vulnerable, nobody saw her like this. Three more breaths all inhaling the scent from his jacket and she had regained control. She took off his jacket and handed it back to him, she corrected her clothes and ran her fingers through her hair, shook it and then turned to him smiling, even though she really didn't feel like it on the inside.

"Almost." She said to him and walked off, not looking back to see his reaction, she didn't think she could bear it.


End file.
